he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I could fuck to npr.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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