Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
