I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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