Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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