I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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