You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
