i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
