I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
