The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
