im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
