At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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