Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
