Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
