i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
