Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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