Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
