Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
