In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After tacos, we're chasing women.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
