I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Drunk is not a location!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
