White coat. Heels.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
