would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
