so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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