there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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