there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
