I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
