just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
