you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
