Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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