i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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