we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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