I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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