I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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