bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
