i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
