i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
