We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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