I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
