there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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