you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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