i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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