I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
