her vagine was all disorganized.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
