I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
