dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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