the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
