Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
