I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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