I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
