Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
