I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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