You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
