how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
