We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
