Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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