There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just found puke in my bra..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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