i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
