i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we're making bets on your personal life
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
