if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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